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Feeling that you are useless?

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Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Pooks on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:45 am

Everyone does, at times. Similarly, feelings of being hopeless, helpless, pointless or purposeless are all a common feeling. People have been dealing with this since time began. I call these feelings The Enemy.

Let me tell you a little bit about The Enemy, since I have been fighting it longer than many of you, and have won enough fights to know that no matter how many little fights I may lose here in there, I will win in the end. I have come to realize just how important I (and every other person) is. Nothing can ever make me not know that. I want anyone who is getting beat up and dragged down by this bully, The Enemy, to know that there is hope, and we all have the ability to go Chuck Norris on it.

Feeling useless:

A. Is a lie. This is the single most important fact. It is a lie that comes from the darkest corner of your psyche. Don't believe it just because it's there.
Just nod politely (mentally) and say "uh huh, thanks for sharing, Mr. Negative. Now go back to your corner", and go on with life. We all have that dark little corner. That's where the Enemy lives. The Enemy is there in all of us, we're stuck with it, but don't worry. It can be annoying, but never believe that it's actually telling you the truth, or that it is more powerful than you. Never let your spirit be crushed by it. You are stronger than it is! CRUSH IT BACK. How? Go do something useful! Bingo--it was a lie, always was and always will be.
UNLESS

B. Comes from WANTING to be a useless person. You believed the lie, or a similar one. The only way to actually be useless is to choose to be that way. This is self-destructive, because as human beings we need purpose--it's just a built-in thing. If we feel there is no purpose to life, or that our purpose HAS no purpose, we tend to want to destroy it and ourselves--Nihilism. You can be intelligent, talented, rich, loved, and doing what you love to do, but if you feel there is no purpose, it will not be enough, and despair will consume you in the end. Kurt Cobain. Need I say more?

The only way to beat The Enemy is to choose to be useful. It can be as simple as seeing a flower and appreciating it's beauty, it's complexity, and appreciating that it's there, doing its thing. Even this is useful. Even more useful things--a kind word, not getting angry at someone, doing a little something that will help in some way--will have a greater dispelling effect on The Enemy. Send it back to it's little corner, like the nasty, vicious and bad-mannered guest that it is. It wants to destroy you, because it hates itself and wishes it had never existed. The only way that will happen is if you destroy yourself. This is why it is The Enemy. Why give it what it wants?

It may seem that you have no purpose, or that the purpose or use you try to fulfill never comes out right, but I assure you: it only seems that way.

We often do not get to see or understand our purpose at the moment. Life is too great for us to understand all it's works and purposes. Only when we look back we sometimes can see the bigger picture and how we fit in, and what our part was in it. Don't rely on your feelings of the moment to tell you what is true; feelings are an unreliable guide, especially as a youth.

You will be ok, but you have to believe it, and be patient.

One last and KEY THING:

Let others be more important than yourself. Make others your reason to get up in the morning. There is always someone out there who feels more hopeless and lonely than you.
Go out and find them. Help them, and you will be helping yourself. By caring for others, we learn how to care for ourselves, and by helping a person who is struggling, we become more able to face our own struggles.

Hope this helps. If you want to add any ways in which you have beaten The Enemy, go for it. Disagreeing with me and what I said will be quite futile. What I have said is not opinion, no matter what some may say.

P.S. There are many who, knowingly or unknowingly, have given in to The Enemy and work for it, hoping that somehow come it will come out alright, or who no longer care what happens to them or anyone else. That doesn't make those people The Enemy, but it does make them an unreliable source of information, to say the least. Just nod mentally, think "Uh huh, thanks for sharing, Mr. Negative" and go on with your life.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by BBZERO on Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:05 am

... :( stupid new contacts makeing my eye's water....*rubs eyes
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Winnie on Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:31 am

What if a person is making you feel that way and does not know it?
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by pk494 on Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:15 am

I decided a long time ago that feeling useless was a useless emotion. Unfortunately for me and my moms insurance company that was only ONE of the many negative emotions.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by vorn on Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:37 am

... wheres the fresh prince of bel air in that first post?
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Rage on Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:25 am

It's fairly easy, with the current state of the world economy, for families to become lost. The three things that keep me and, for that matter, my family going are:

1. Faith
2. The belief that we can make a difference
3. Most importantly, Eachother
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Pooks on Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:50 pm

To Zero: *hugs*

To Winnie: Other people are our greatest blessing and our toughest challenge in life. Sometimes they can be both at the same time...and that includes ourselves! Some things that have helped me when people I love and/or live with are my source of bad feelings:

A. Believe it or not, a person can't "make" you feel a certain way...they can only be very very good at convincing you to feel a certain way. It can be next to impossible not to be persuaded we are useless when we don't know how to resist, but it is possible.

B. You never have to accept unacceptable behavior. Poor person, they don't know how awful they are acting. I don't have to accept that about them. I know they can be a better person. I will not let them think it's ok or normal to do what they just did. I will let them know, without anger, meanness or hate that they are being hurtful and false, and that I do not have to accept that. Until they are willing to behave differently, this conversation is over. I am polite, but firm. I let them know I care about them. I let them know I am worthy of politeness and decency.
(If this is your Mom or Dad, this can be pretty scary if s/he's used to treating you with meanness. It's awful--but if you are not in physical danger, it is worth it to let them know things need to change. Better now than trying to change things in 5 or 10 or 20 years)

C. IMPORTANT: If a person close to you is an addict of any kind, there is a whole set of behaviors and counter-behaviors that are well-known, recognizable and you can get help for dealing with it, whether you are an addict, a co-dependent, or just a friend or family member. Unfortunately, the first obstacle to getting better is Denial...so it may take a while to even admit help is needed.

Al-Anon has all kinds of resources, and it can change your life. It changed my entire family's life, and we "didn't have a problem". Turns out more people have these behaviors in their family than don't, anymore...maybe your grandma was an alcoholic, so you think it doesn't effect you. Believe me, it probably is effecting your entire family. Just five minutes of reading their material will ring bells if you are dealing with this. Addiction is a disease, not a choice. The only person you can change is yourself. you can't control it, you can't change it, and you didn't cause it.

To PK: Yes, The Enemy has many weapons, many strategies, many dirty tricks. Fortunately, people have been fighting it for thousands and thousands of years, and there are many many weapons, strategies and tricks on our side as well.

Vorn: He couldn't make it.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Flaw of Insanity on Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:04 pm

Uselessness is as you said, a part of life. I remember it in my larger part of year 7 (6th grade in america or so I believe) where my life seemed to be a large explosion of bullying and home problems. It was only by the end of that year that I actually made a friend, which was my first glimmer of hope, after that my friend count seemed to multiply by 10, making it 10. You just have to keep it up.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Kaotic on Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:18 pm

D: , why where you bullied Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad , oh gosh, i hate that guilt emotion the worst of allll feelings.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Pooks on Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:56 am

Yah, guilt is a realllly tricky one. There's good guilt and bad guilt--one makes you want to be a better person, the other makes you feel bad about something that isn't your fault.

It can be really hard to recognize which is which or what to do about it in certain situations...and guilt never feels good, lol. Doing something about it feels good though, if it's the good kind of guilt--saying sorry when you were nasty to some1, or were careless and hurt a person's feelings...or stepped on your friend's pet frog after you took it out of it's cage to play with it and then got a little carried away when you were chasing after it and now it's OMG, SPARKY, NOOOooo!...ew....oh man that's gross.
Crying or Very sad

True story.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by BBZERO on Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:27 am

*pushes pooks away* guilt like pooks said can be good and bad

bullying might be the worst though

1st gets you know where
2nd get over what ever is makeing you a bully

....

3rd IM NO GINGER!!!i have a soul thank you if i didnt then i wouldnt laugh at anything Wave
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Winnie on Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:45 am

Dang.

/me is gonna have a hard hard time telling this person...
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Celstrial on Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:29 am

Yeah I fell useless like I can't do something like they just make me like a wimp and at the end I feel useles and they keep on calling i'm GAY like wtf(iM NOT GAY FYI)
and there like f*** da*** ba*** and anyway yup my reasons
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Sivart on Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:48 am

*sigh* Awww man this brought up a whole lot of depressing memories I though I left back in high school. Oh well most of them I'll probably never see again and the ones I do see i can call friends.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Earthx on Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:25 am

what have i done to be helpful every thing i do blows up in my face and make other ppl mad i have poor grammar im not strong or fast nor am i good at video games. i have yet to find a talent except being random which ppl hate. when i try to help ppl they get mad. im not real smart.

plz tell me how im useful in a positive manner (not just to make others feel better about them self)
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by anthdude on Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:23 pm

Celstrial wrote:Yeah I fell useless like I can't do something like they just make me like a wimp and at the end I feel useles and they keep on calling i'm GAY like wtf(iM NOT GAY FYI)
and there like f*** da*** ba*** and anyway yup my reasons

I am called gay alot to. I don't know why... makes me feel like punchin em square in the nose... I did that once and the other kid got expelled after I told him my story

I let other people think their better than me so when I do something amazing it's shocking
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Winnie on Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:28 am

anthdude wrote:
Celstrial wrote:Yeah I fell useless like I can't do something like they just make me like a wimp and at the end I feel useles and they keep on calling i'm GAY like wtf(iM NOT GAY FYI)
and there like f*** da*** ba*** and anyway yup my reasons

I am called gay alot to. I don't know why... makes me feel like punchin em square in the nose... I did that once and the other kid got expelled after I told him my story

I let other people think their better than me so when I do something amazing it's shocking

Yes, for some reason they call me, DF, MQ, AQW, AQ and all other stuff I liek to talk about Gay... Even tho im a girl...

Also, I feel a bit scared now. I CANNOT tell this person, I jsut cant..
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Flaw of Insanity on Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:32 am

Its just the whole roleplay gaming thing, I try to keep it mostly secret from some of my friends, I have one who's not into that kinda stuff, when he kinda got the picture I was playing he kinda shrugged it off because its how I got artist, by playing this game, finding this guild and etc. etc. Its just you got to learn who actually shares your interests.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Rage on Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:43 am

Bah! I got sick of hearing other people rip on me too, ya know. Eventually, I ignored the pricks and just went on with life. Why hide my passion? Why hide what pleases me? I walked out of that High School with my middle finger in the air, shouting the lyrics of "Carry On My Wayward Son" out of my car window.

Everyone is important in some sort of aspect in life. Unfortunately, there are those kinds of people out there who seem to make their life's ambition to prey on the self esteem and integrity of others. You know what they are "important" for? To toughen us up. They push us, they pick on us, but, in the final act of the play, WE end up on top.

Shrug it off, ignore the comments, walk with pride. Why should we care what happens in public school? Most of those people you'll never have to deal with again, because you'll be associating yourself with others that share your interests. Remember, this pain that you feel now is only in your mind. It will strengthen you if you can overcome the thought of "uselessness".

This public institution that is getting you down is a small part of your life. A tiny, insignificant period where your troubles are magnified because you have so much focus on it. See those girls laughing at you from the other side of the hall? Couple years from now, they'll either be working in a sorority for god knows what reason, or minimum wage at your local fast food join.

Yes, I'll have fries with that, hun.

How about those muscle bound blokes who act like the school bully? Well, you'll simply love what'll happen to them when you see them at your ten or twenty year reunion.

Wow, you beat me up in High School? The hell happen to you?

Simply put, life is about Karma. If you travel through life without regret for the path you have chosen and established lasting bonds with people, then you'll be in good hands. However, those who stare down at others like some superior prick with an agenda will find that they've got another thing coming.

Live proud, pursue you dream, and don't let other's comments stop you. If it makes you happy, you already won the battle.



On a side note, I won't actually be mean to those who did me wrong. By the time I see them again, they will have probably grown up and matured as well. All is forgiven, and I hope they forgive me for wronging them in any way, shape, or form.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Winnie on Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:30 pm

Flaw of Insanity wrote:Its just the whole roleplay gaming thing, I try to keep it mostly secret from some of my friends, I have one who's not into that kinda stuff, when he kinda got the picture I was playing he kinda shrugged it off because its how I got artist, by playing this game, finding this guild and etc. etc. Its just you got to learn who actually shares your interests.


I am sorta the opposite.... I have a t-shirt! And it turns out 50 people in my school play AQ/MQ/AQW/DF so....
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Zedman on Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:46 pm

Try not to deviate from the subject of this thread guys. This isn't for flaming the people you hate in real life.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Pooks on Sat Feb 28, 2009 2:26 am

Earthx wrote:what have i done to be helpful every thing i do blows up in my face and make other ppl mad i have poor grammar im not strong or fast nor am i good at video games. i have yet to find a talent except being random which ppl hate. when i try to help ppl they get mad. im not real smart.

plz tell me how im useful in a positive manner (not just to make others feel better about them self)


Let's start with your statement above. Not every thing that you do blows up in your face. Did you get dressed? Did you feed your pet? Did you say goodbye to mum when you left for school? Did you go to school? Didi you sit in class? etc. etc. The Enemy tells us "Bah, that stuff doesn't matter, no-one cares about that, you're not gonna get rich or famous doing that! WHo cares? You loser!" Don't listen.

You don't make people mad every time you try to be helpful. Impossible. Give me an example, and 8 times out of 10 I can tell you why you either were not actually being helpful or why it wasn't your fault it didn't work out. I'll bet you I can, as long as it is a real example, and you are accurate in your description. You will have to use grammar to communicate effectively.

Ok. Here's a basic truth that most of us don't like, but there's not much we can do to change it.

Positive change is harder to make happen than negative change.



It's easier to hurt than to heal, easier to get out of shape than it is to stay in shape, easier to complain than to be thankful, harder to stay patient than to get impatient.
But one thing I know from experience: the more you make the effort, the easier it becomes.

If you are not very strong and you don't like that, do things to make you stronger.
If you aren't good at something and want to be better, practice and get instruction from someone who knows how.
If you have a hard time understanding hoow people feel or how to be empathetic to their needs, go to the library and get a book about nonverbal communication, empathy,, etc.
If you don't know what all is wrong and can't figure out what to do, got to the Self-Help section in the library and don't get distracted by the books about "adult interactions". Rolling Eyes

It TAKES WORK. IT TAKES EFFORT. AND IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT.

Do you think I type out all my sentences with proper syntax, grammar and spelling because it's easier to do so? Heck no! It takes longer, requires more thought, and takes much more effort.

BUT: I can communicate more effectively.I hardly ever say something I don't mean to say. I enjoy the full range of the expressiveness of the English language, one of the most complex and expressive languages in the world. People listen to what I say, partly because I take care to word things in a strong, clear and persuasive way. People respect me more (just for diction and grammar! Weird, but true) and tend to want to know my thoughts or opinions in a conversation. And those things are all good in their own way, have a positive net benefit for me, and can be a benefit to those around me.

It can also be a temptation to be a bully, to use my eloquence to hurt, to use my talent to be negative, and to make me think I'm something important or special, when I'm not, any more than any one of you. Just because I know something others don't, catch on quicker, or have experience someone else doesn't, doesn't make me a better person. I still have to struggle against feeling that way.

All this is to let you know: even when you are getting somewhere, accomplishing things and being good, IT'S STILL A STRUGGLE, just on a different level with different things.

Last thing. You ask at the end how to be useful, and not just by making other ppl feel better. Well, what do you think "useful" means? Being full of use, being of use, using yourself as a tool to get things done that need doing. It is all about work. A tool in the shed has the potential to be of use, but until it is in your hand doing work, it is not being useful. Does the shovel or hoe benefit from the things grown in a garden? Nope--it's the person using the tool and the others who eat from the garden.

Look at yourself as the garden, and the gardener. You have to work on yourself--till the soil (prepare by understanding and getting knowledge) pull the weeds (get rid of bad habits) plant seeds (good habits) get sun, fresh air, exercise, enough sleep, eat healthy, play, enjoy simple pleasures. And when it's time to work, do it willingly, knowing it will pay out in the end. The harvest are the people that see you as someone worth knowing, worth being friends with, worth caring about, and you care about them, adn you all can help each other. (psst--you already are IN at least one group like that! *nudge nudge* So maybe you aren't SO bad as you think. )

Be patient, don't give up. You WILL see the fruit of your labors, IF you labor.
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Earthx on Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:30 am

pooks: Not every thing that you do blows up in your face. Did you get dressed? yes i put on torn up pants and got in trouble (this was by accident) Did you feed your pet?yes they were waiting for me and scratched me in the rush. Did you say goodbye to mum when you left for school? no i forgot... Did you go to school? yes i was endlessly made fun of. Didi you sit in class...so many things happen bad grades, stress, falling out of chair,gas, ect.



when i tried to help: person drops books in hallway. i bend down to help. get kicked a few times. then the person yells at me as i hand them to them (the books were every were)

i lead a project in math my group fail with a 10 (even though i knew the stuff)

I'm to afraid to stand up for my few friends.

i carry stuff for people and drop...on my self....and they get mad...

ECT
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Winnie on Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:41 pm

As it turns out, the girl sitting next to me that I thought was my friend was just hiding that she thinks I'm annoying... its really sad...

Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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Re: Feeling that you are useless?

Post by Earthx on Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:10 am

that's it......

EVERYONE thinks I'm annoying (and i wish that was exaggeration) my few friends think im annoying. its something i have to live with.

this next part my sound shallow or cold:

i dont care if a freind stops being my freind. SO WHAT it happens to me all the time.
either they turn against me ignore me move away (the best ones that would never be mean to me) or they die with exception of the last one i don't care. IM USE TO IT
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